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Transforming Victim to Survivor
| Posted on March 27, 2017 at 1:49 PM |
 You have the power to get out of the well one step at a time The other day while doing some research I came across this
fable which really spoke to my heart. The Farmer’s Donkey One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal
cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him
out. Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and
the well was dry anyway, so it just wasn’t
worth it to try and get the donkey out.
So the farmer asked his neighbors to come over and help him cover up the well.
They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first when
the donkey realized what was happening he cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s
amazement he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovels later,
the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at
what he saw. With every shovel of dirt
that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the donkey, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon to every one’s amazement the
donkey stepped over the edge of the well and trotted off. Morale The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and
take a step up Each one of our troubles is a stepping stone What happens to you isn’t nearly as important as how you
react to it. Author Unknown How do you react to adversity? Do you become a victim or are
you a survivor shaking adversity off? Perhaps you don’t even realize you are playing the victim
role. For years, I played the victim
role without being aware of it. The first step is awareness. Once you are aware
that you are playing the victim role then you can take further action
transforming from victim to survivor. Signs that you are playing the victim role Blaming others for
your pain I used to blame everyone and everything else for my pain and
suffering – “ it’s not my fault if only
I had been raised by better parents” in the
long term those feelings led to feeling powerless and helpless. Failure to accept
responsibility You have the power to choose how you react to adversity you
can’t control the cards that are dealt to you in life but you can control how
you play them. Take responsibility for
yourself. You alone decide how you react to adversity. Feeling helpless Find the source of your learned helplessness - most likely experienced
in childhood or early adulthood. I was raised in a dysfunctional environment that fostered
dependence rather than confidence. Take some time to reflect and write on the source of your
learned helplessness. Focusing on problems The more you focus on
a problem you will attract more of it into your life. Rather than focus on the
problem search for solutions than will best work for you. You may need therapy
or a coach to guide you with your journey. Lack of boundaries Learn to create and maintain healthy boundaries. A boundary is a clear communication that respects yourself
and others based on your values, rules and limitations. One boundary that I have set for myself is
not spend time with people who bring me down. I surround myself with positive
people. Self-Sabotage Victims tend to undermine or sabotage their own happiness
and success. Control is the root of self-sabotage in victims. Victims believe when things are going well
that disaster is just around the corner. I would never allow myself to be happy
for long periods of time as unconsciously I was sure disaster was not far off.
I did not feel worthy of happiness. Brene
Brown calls it “deep foreboding” disaster is always lurking around the corner
and most intense when things are going well. Disaster is coming and the victim
wants to be in control so when that disaster strikes he is prepared. The victim
undermines his own joy and success with self-destructive behaviour. Give up your need for control and focus on gratitude daily and
enjoy all your blessings. Keep a gratitude journal to write in about all the things
you are grateful for. Get out of your head space and participate in random acts of
kindness. Helping another person/community will help empower yourself. The
realization of the positive impact on another can positively influence your own
life. Lack of
Self-Confidence Victims tend to struggle with low self confidence. Not everyone is born self-confident. Self-confidence
can be learned and improved upon. Always dress and act confident eventually
your internal state will catch up and begin to match your external state. Set
up small achievable goals to work towards, your self-confidence will increase
with each attained goal. Forgiveness and
Compassion Finally, forgiveness
is about you not your perpetrator. Forgiveness does not mean that you excuse
the wrong. It’s about your response to
the pain inflicted on you. Transform the pain to compassion and empathy for the
other. Find your inner strength to get past your pain to find inner peace and
freedom so you may move on with your life. Once you forgive healing can truly take place.
Don’t forget to forgive and have
compassion for yourself as well. |
Categories: Change
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